Found yourself on "on the market" have you? But still pretty battered and bruised from your last attempt at a relationship? This is a critical point and THE most important time for you NOT to jump into a relationship with someone new.
If you're struggling manage your workload, bank account, household and social commitments… why on earth do you think you could manage a relationship right now?
If you’re a mess, and I mean a full on MESS! (No judgement here, I’ve been there.) You are going to be a lighthouse for a boat full of no one, or a sailor who likes to live in rough water.
The likelihood of jumping into a co-dependancy based on shared trauma is high, and the risk in doing so, astronomical. And someone who wants to date a mess is gonna see their arse the minute you get your game together. Or worse still, try to control you with abusive behaviour that keeps you in a negative cycle.
We’re told that meeting someone and falling in love is going to make our lives whole/worthwhile/easier. But I think that’s utter rubbish! Because the reality of it is so much more painful, messy and complicated.
Yes, falling in love is a fabulous feeling, but the practicalities of cultivating a relationship that works for you both, despite all your baggage and life commitments, is so indisputably hard, it can easily take away the shine.
So what can you do to get yourself in a good spot, first and foremost, for yourself?
I say date yourself. Take you out and show YOU a bloody good time. Find out what you like, socially, culturally, emotionally, sexually and artistically. Explore everything.
Lana Del Rey said “Everywhere you go you take yourself.” If you’re looking for someone to give you the life you dream of, you need to start living the life you dream of, right f*ucking now!
Stop eating pasta out the pan, immediately! Cook yourself a nice meal. Set the table with the good knife and fork. Girl, light yourself a candle!
And don’t stop there! Iron your clothes, clean out your cuboards, paint those awful floorboards, sell your old clothes, wash your make up brushes, buy some flowers for the vase. Wash your bathmat, throw out all those empty shampoo bottles, throw out all the tupperwear that doesn’t match and every single pair of knickers with holes in. Book a trip, go for dinner with a friend you’ve met on instagram, buy a bike! And most importantly, watch that Taylor Swift Reputation Tour on Netflix, on REPEAT!
But most importantly of all, I recommend you buy yourself some Airpods and download some audiobooks. Rachael Hollis Girl, Stop Apologising is a BIBLE.
I know loads of people who still today, in 2020!!! Have never listened to a podcast! Wow! If this is where you’re at, start off with the High Low or something else uber digestible. I personally love Unf*ck Your Brain, Oprah’s Super Soul Conversations, Boss Babe, Russell Brand Under’s the Skin and Love Stories by Dolly Alderton (especially the Jesse Cave and Lily Allen episodes).
I fully recommend going the cinema on your own! Its powerful and its invigorating! Once you get other the initial anxiety of queuing for a ticket for 1, you’re in. You can sit wherever YOU want, not having to share any snacks or explain why you’re going the loo for the 4th time in an hour. (But that might just be me.)
I once bought a “posh” bottle of wine from Tesco cos it was on offer for £9. And when I took it home and the place was a shithole, I couldn’t drink it. Not until I’d done the weeks worth of dishes in the kitchen, emptied the washing machine, hoovered round and cleaned the bathroom. And it really motivated me! An hour later I was sitting in my lovely tidy home sipping my £9 bottle of wine, feeling like the bees knees!
Now, I can go for a meal on my own, or for a drink on my own and enjoy it! I haven’t yet been to a gig on my own or flown alone, but we’ll get there.
Stop waiting for someone to fix you. Get out there and work your arse off to become the person YOU can’t live without.
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