Ghosting – The practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly, and without explantation, withdrawing from all communication.
So outrageously common, its becoming socially acceptable. An effortless way of letting the ghostee “get the hint” without the ghoster having to say they’re simply just not that into you.
What’s most offensive about a person you’ve formed a connection with suddenly dropping out of your life, is that it causes the person being ghosted to anxiously worry about their abusers welfare. Has he/she had an accident? Has someone died?
No girl! He’s just not that into you!
You’re worrying about a person who couldn’t care less about you and doesn't respect your time, who is unceremoniously rejecting you.
Ghosting is a shrewd insight into the piss poor communication skills and emotional maturity of the ghoster. They simply do not possess the social skills required to have an uncomfortable conversation, or deal with the other person’s negative emotions.
When the ghostee realises whats actually happening, their feelings of concern turn into a bitter rejection, resulting in an anger towards the ghoster, who still holds all the power.
They’re not going to answer your calls, so that you can have it out and get closure. Likely resulting in the ghostee sending a stream of texts that the ghoster can translate into proof that they’re are in fact “a crank.” Reinforcing their initial belief that their actions are reasonable and acceptable.
No response, is a response.
If a lad likes you, he’ll be everywhere you are. He’ll be calling you, texting you, sending cakes to your office or books in the post. You simply won’t be able to get away from him.
Likelihood is, he’s had his head turned. Someone else he’s interested in has text him and asked to do something last minute. Perfectly understandable in a world where we’re all dating people we have very little social connections with.
Friend of a friend met a lad in the pub on Good Friday. They spent all week texting and arranged to go on a date the following Friday. The morning of date day, he text to say he wasn’t feeling well and was going to jump in the shower to sort himself out.. She never heard from him again.
This sudden romantic rejection provoked colossal levels of confusion and anxiety in the poor girl! She’d already arranged childcare, spent money on an outfit, make-up and planned her weekend around this date.
Why does it hurt so much?
Social rejection activates the same pain pathways in the brain as physical pain. Broken bones and broken hearts are intimately connected in our brains.
Roy Baumeister, a social psychologist, conducted research proving that rejection can dramatically reduce a persons IQ, while increasing aggression. We are social animals designed to get along with each other, and thats why ghosting is so difficult for us to process.
Baumeister says rejection interferes with a persons self-control. Likely why your friend who already suffers from depression, social anxiety and/or panic attacks will take much longer to recover from an episode of ghosting. While people with higher self-esteem produce a natural painkiller in their brain in response, and deal with the effects more easily.
He’ll be back..
Ghosting keeps the pathways of communication open indefinitely. Chances are you’ll hear from the person again in the future – when it suits them – and this can be an extremely dangerous way to treat someone, who perhaps already has low self-esteem.
Its ok to be hurt when someone rejects you, and perfectly normal for you to act in ways you wouldn’t usually, for a short while. The human being’s recall of emotional rejection is stronger than that of physical pain. Thats why ghosting is an emotional trauma that can cause long term emotional sensitivity.
When you find yourself amid ghosting, society – and likely your friends – tell you to just forget about it, and not to take it personally. But brushing any psychological trauma (however small) under the carpet can be extremely dangerous to your mental health and overall emotional well being.
It is as important to seek out validation and positive connection with your friends and family amid ghosting, as it is when your mental health is taking a nosedive. It is also recommended to take pain killers for upto 3 weeks, in order to reduce your emotional distress and levels of activity in the pain regions of your brain.
So, if you’ve created a connection with a person – no matter how small – that you have no intention of continuing, ghosting them is not the painless solution your apathetic little mind thinks it is. Consider instead sending a text to say you’ve changed your mind, or that you’re just not that into them. This will allow them to process the rejection as swiftly and reasonably as possible, without the cruel endless wondering.
Ghosters are a specific breed that come under the social umbrella of Time-Sluts... But untangling that phenomenon is a whole other blog.
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